I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We named our party play list daddy issues
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When are your genitals available?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
