Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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