she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i've created a new STD.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
