Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
