Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
high people should be assigned attendants
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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