I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
