Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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