Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
