Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
