Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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