walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
