so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
