she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
