She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
