Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
