my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
