i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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