Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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