after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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