You smell like a Billy Joel song
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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