you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
