Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
