I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
