my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
