I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
