so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
