im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
