Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i barfeds in our rink
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
