My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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