Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I think I have a pornographic memory.

(954): View more from Florida

Don't you mean photographic?

(407): View more from Florida

No.

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(407): View more from Florida

Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?

(1-407): View more from Florida

I hate you

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(520): View more from Arizona

you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.

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(302): View more from Delaware

you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

he's 29.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.

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