Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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