Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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