the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
