She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
