The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So much Jack, so little girl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
