I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
