I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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