CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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