Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
