if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
