went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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