corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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