I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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