My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
