Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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