Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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