all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
