How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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