you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My bed smells like the plague
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
