I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
